7th August 2018
16. Suicide
It's a sensitive topic but far under imposed. It's not talked about enough. I was told this phrase by someone close to me and it's rippled through me since: 'thirty seconds in the moment, lifetime of impact'. In such a small amount of time it can be all over, you can just no longer physically exist. Suicide is no joke and it should be taken more seriously, there should be more campaigns for help and recognition to those who need it most.
To have suicidal thoughts or to actually attempt or even succeed in someone taking their life, it must be the lowest point that they could achieve. Feeling they are alone or that they cannot continue, that they don't matter, that it would all be better or the pain would go away if they end it all, is such a shame and upsetting thought to say the least.
It has a stigma attached that people try to stay clear of, which is wrong and an abomination of our human race. You do care. You do matter. You will be okay. Shit will change. The pain can be helped, managed or even diminished. Awareness of suicide in Males particularly is almost non-existent, that typically suicide is almost 4 times higher in males than females. It's not seen as 'manly' to talk about your feelings, it's not 'manly' to get help, it's not 'manly' to make yourself a better person. FUCKING BULLSHIT. Don't be a sheep and follow the flock, be a wolf and do what you gotta do, get the help you need... I mean this to everyone not just males, you are important and people will help you. Please get help, even just talking to someone, calling anonymous helpline such as Samaritans on 116 123 (Freephone and 24/7... maybe note it down) or their website Samaritans.
A lot of people might not fully understand unless they have been impacted by it in some way. Earlier this year something both unexpected and so great of magnitude beyond belief happened to me. Following on from that I have and still do struggle every day, the bad thoughts linger and play over like a song on repeat, I'm trying to do something about it before it becomes something unthinkable. It zones you out to another place, somewhere where nothing matters or even exists, tunnel vision if you would, and you can't describe it or predict it. It has a pulling force so great that it captures you in its gritty unforgiving hands and it seems like you have no place to go or turn to. I am getting help and I am speaking up to those around me as I can't let this take over me, and if it impacts you too then try and do the same, seriously people want to help but they can't if they don't know they need to.
One thing that I'd ask after reading this is to be mindful of those around you, those changes you notice in people could be indications. I'm not saying turn into Sherlock Holmes and solve mysteries that don't exist but just be kind and reach out. Ask if they wanna grab a coffee and have a chat, ask if they'd like to do something. That small shit makes a huge impact and goes a long way, just asking how their day is going could make all the difference.